You know you are a REAL Ball Python Owner When:

  • You’ve been raising rats for 10 years, and do not know their natural lifespan.
  • Your freezer is full, but your wife is constantly complaining that there is nothing in the house to eat.
  • You get a sunburn and worry that you are not shedding in one piece.
  • You have a reptile dysfunction.
  • Your wife tells you it’s either her or the snakes, so you start measuring her sewing room to see how many aquariums/racks you can fit.
  • You get a set of four studded tires, and paid for them solely with frozen rats. (I have done this twice…  Mounted and balanced!)
  • Due to high energy usage, you are served with a warrant to search your house looking for a pot growing operation. (Not really a problem anymore in Washington.)
  • You have a 5 foot pastel named Fluffy.
  • You keep an empty pillow case in your car at all times.
  • You must keep a separate freezer for feeders, since the only dead animals she will allow in the kitchen (or overflow) come from the butcher.
  • You have asked a perspective landlord if aquariums are okay, and you don’t own any fish.
  • You’ve ever been foolish enough to believe you might be able to make money raising reptiles.
  • You spend more on rats than you do on groceries.
  • You refer to a pregnant woman as gravid.
  • You have a rat colony to feed your snake colony.
  • Eggs hatching!  It’s better than Christmas.
  • You take a day off work to vacuum seal frozen rodents into weekly feeding portions for your collection.
  • Your 6 year old knows about 30 different types of Ball Python morphs by sight.
  •  “snake feeding day” really does take ALL DAY.
  • You forget that other living things need to eat more than once a week.
  • You do a happy dance when you convert a mouse eater to rats.
  • Mites are scarier than the economy.
  • During breeding season, your spouse/partner asks you to pencil them in for some quality time.
  • You no longer want, but NEED, to add a certain morph to your collection.
  • You’ve ever bought your local Dollar Tree out of dog bowls.
  • If you ever get “the look” after answering “So how many snakes do you have?”
  • Your willing to trade your wife and kids for a coral glow.
  • Rodents are a form of currency.
  • You take your child’s temperature with a Laser Temp Gun!
  • When your girlfriend asks you, “Who do you love more, me or your snakes?” As a JOKE you reply with, “… Definitely my snakes!” And she takes you seriously. Then you have to spend an hour apologizing to her, and 2 hours getting yelled at. And while she is yelling at you, the only thing you’re thinking is, “my snakes never yell at me.”
  • You bring home a beautiful new morph and your 15 year old daughter proclaims her love and affection for it and steals it from you. Sigh.
  • You search your house for stuff to sell on ebay/Craigslist so you can buy your next morph.
  • If when buying 200 4″ pvc caps at Lowe’s your answer to “What project you got going?” is “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you”.
  • Your family tells you they won’t ever visit if you have snakes in your house, and you think “Okay, I can live with that”.
  • You do the happy dance over a snake that finally broke it’s fast.
  • The thought of having to eat ramen noodles or PB&J for the rest of the month seems fine, if you can just buy a few more morphs.
  • You put your kids in racks (bunk beds), so you can give your snakes their own room.
  • A lazy Sunday morning consist of snake cuddling and coffee.
  • You half expect your family to show up one day with the “Animal Hoarders” people from animal planet.
  • All you want for your birthday/x-mas/anniversary is permission to get another snake.
  • Your snakes get better dog food bowls than your dogs do.
  • You scare your dad with a twenty five minute genetics lesson… just because there was a lull in the discussion.
  • All of your friends think you are a sick pervert because all you ever talk about is how much fun you have handling your Balls.
  • YOU are the guy in the pet store the employees turn to if they don’t have an answer to someone’s question.
  • Find yourself having conversations with your snakes, even though you know they have no ears.
  • If you are buying rat food by the pallet.
  • You remember your snakes hatch/purchase dates but forget your Mother’s/Wife’s birthdays.
  • When you make a day trip just to pick up a hatchling.
  • Your family jokes about you having kids and keeping them in little drawers.
  • You buy bags of horse food yet live in an apartment.
  • When you’re out shopping, and you look at the price tag of any item and say out loud “screw this…I can get another morph instead!”
  • Almost all pics on your iphone/Android are of your snakes… and when someone wants to see a pic… boy are they in trouble
  • You realize you will never make your money back, nor do you care.
  • Half the furniture in your house is made out of melamine.

Add your own ideas/experiences in the comments below, we will compile them into the list.

You know you are a REAL Ball Python Owner When: was last modified: September 22nd, 2015 by Tom
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One Response to You know you are a REAL Ball Python Owner When:

  1. NAILED IT!!! Found myself laughing going down the list. Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep! Only changing girlfriend to husband, since I’m a girl taking the BS from the man. LOL

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